Reply to For those who have gotten divorced, what was the final straw?

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[quote=Anonymous]"I finally came to the realization that my husband couldn't/wouldn't take the steps needed to control his depression/ADHD. If he'd been trying to control it and wasn't getting positive results, I would have stayed. But, to not even really try, well, I finally got so tired, so worn out and it was negatively affecting our kids that I decided the kids and I would be better off without him. It's such a shame because when he depression/ADHD was controlled, he was really great and I loved him very much. I still love him but he's not good for us. It took me a long time to give up.

oh god, i fear this will be me in a year or two. another PP asked you if you could tell us more about your situation -- what were the ultimate deal-breakers? how did you know you'd reached the point of no return? how are you and the kids doing now? i have been coasting in this situation for so many years already (at least 3, maybe 4) and part of me thinks that if i'm already wondering how much longer i can take of this kind of living then i already know my answer... anyhoo, thanks for your insights. much appreciated."

NP here.  The thing is, when your marriage is falling apart because of these types of issues (as mine did), there is no one "final straw."  (And actually I think that is true for most divorces.)  It is more a matter of hitting the wall, not being able to do everything yourself and keep reaching out to someone who isn't willing/able to get help - in therapists terms, this is called pursuer burnout.  And I think when that happens you realize that there is no other choice if you want to remain a happy, functional person able to parent your kids well.[/quote]

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