Reply to S/o meeting the ex-wife: what are the girlfriends thinking?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is my friend at 37.  Spent most of her 20s with a jerk and then worked on herself.  Now at her age, the amount of single and childless kids who are good catches is small.  She also likes kids but doesn't particularly want to have a baby in her late 30s so is fine if he has kids.   Her  soon to be husband is divorced with a 5 and 8 year old.   There really is no drama.  They all attend kids events without issues.   My friend was also mature enough that she was fine with the whole "kids come first" part of the relationship.  [/quote]

If everyone is emotionally stable, combined with a new wife that is willing to put the kids first AND doesn't want kids of her own, can work. [/quote]

That's the thing - if someone doesn't want kids, they definitely don't want stepkids.  At least if you have your own kids, they might love you back and appreciate the sacrifices you make for them.  More often than not, you can't win with stepkids - there's literally no upside.  [/quote]

I don’t think this is universally the case. One of my friends missed the window, didn’t want kids with her previous partners for various reasons, but is absolutely overjoyed with being a stepmother to her bonus children. My SIL is also similar - my bother had my niece but but by the time they met and got settled neither was super attracted to going through the baby phase and the like. She is an absolutely incredible “bonus mother” and you’d never realize if you saw her with me niece that’s she’s not actually her mother. ExSIL often makes things difficult, but she rolls with it and she, my brother and niece are a completely stable and healthy family during their time together.

It doesn’t all have to be drama when there’s grownups in the room. [/quote]

I'm the PP and agree - it's why I said, "more often than not".  [b]I certainly don't want my daughter to date a divorced man with kids, but I recognize it works out occasionally,[/b] with Kamala Harris being the most notable example that comes to mind. [/quote]

I agree with you 100%. As a dad I wouldn't that for my daughter either. [b]And I wouldn't want my son to date a divorced woman with kids either.[/b][/quote]

I think it's different with divorced women with kids because of she tells the guy that she is busy on xyz date and has to cancel a date last minute in 99.99% of cases the man will totally understand and be cool about it. Men expect women to be available for their kids all the time. Now if you are a divorced man and cancel on your girlfriend las minute due to your kids, you are on borrowed time. Single women without kids are still going to expect them to put them first. So the baggage that you carry from your divorce mostly affect you if you are the dad.[/quote]

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