Reply to I really dislike my SIL. How to improve my attitude?

Forum Index » Off-Topic

Reply to "I really dislike my SIL. How to improve my attitude?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]OP, how long have you been married? i've only been married five years but already my situation with SIL has gotten remarkably better. And there are so many similarities, including the weird forced return-to-childhood dynamic that exist when grown kids stay in their childhood home - with spouses and kids no less - for a week or so around the holidays. I've never seen anyone, including my own family, resist the temptation to return to their childish roles completely. It gets old fast! Especially when everyone indulges someone's bad behavior. So my thing is, I stopped indulging it. I can't make MIL or FIL or DH call SIL on her antics, but I started treating her like I'd treat my own sister if she tried to pull that shit. Trust me, I still tried to be nice, but I started treating her like my own family. In that, I behaved as though I LOVED her, but didn't have to agree or even pretend to agree with everything she said. Since when do we all have to be so cowed by our inlaws? Are they not just human, too? We're family with these people, so why not behave like family?

It was remarkable the difference it made. Not that SIL was instantly nicer, because she wasn't. But, once I stopped feeling like I had to tolerate every insult silently or accommodate every demand, there was an enormous reduction in the pressure. Once I stopped walking on eggshells, and took off the kid gloves I didn't have to be responsible for her feelings AND mine about "us," it relieved a lot of pressure. And she called me on some stuff too, some of it I had no idea I'd been doing.

Parenting anxieties are tough. My guess is that she's not super happy if she is as anxious as you say she is. A little sympathy would go a long way in this case, and so would some candor. Better to just say "SIL, do you really think he's gonna die by block injury?" may be better than just thinking it while rolling your eyes hard when she's not looking. She's surely picking up on your feelings whether you voice them or not, so why not just be honest (kindly) and discuss?  And if she's unreasonable, then just manage? You don't have to like her, but you absolutely have it within your power to stop letting her drain your energy. Just don't do it anymore. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics