Reply to S/O--there is never a need to argue with another adult or engage in "conflict"

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Reply to "S/O--there is never a need to argue with another adult or engage in "conflict""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What’s so bad about conflict? It seems you believe it is inherently problematic? Is it that conflict requires you to face someone else’s (often inconvenient, messy) emotions?

I’m not an expert but avoiding conflict or rebranding it as a “disagreement” does not make the emotions that underlie it disappear. It just represses or redirects those emotions elsewhere. Having the difficult, uncomfortable, messy emotions that create or arise from conflict is a deeply human experience that—if dealt with lovingly—will deepen your connection to the person you’re having a conflict with. You are not a more mature person for avoiding uncomfortable emotions. You’re just a certain kind of person who avoids deep emotions because you fear conflict.

I grew up in a home like this. It sends the message that certain emotions (anger, jealousy, shame) are so unacceptable that we don’t let ourselves experience them. It also sends the message that conflict is the worst possible outcome. So just think about that. Because that’s not actually true. Conflict can be a map to what we really want out of a relationship. You can’t hit or insult or intimidate or whatever—but enthusiastically verbally duking it out with a partner, friend, sibling, parent over something that is important to you? Often moves the relationship forward, increases understanding, reinforces connection. So, I kind of think you’re missing out, actually. [/quote]

Ok, if this is how you want to live your life, go for it![/quote]

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