Reply to Longterm couples who aren't married and keep separate finances

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[quote=Anonymous]It depends on the two of you. The fact that you have children is a huge factor.

DH and I have been together 22 years, and married for 7. Before we married, we planned for the kinds of things you are bringing up and operated basically like a married couple. When I quit practicing law to go to grad school in a creative field he paid my tuition and took over all of our living expenses. It has been discussed and understood from the beginning that we are in it for life, and that if one gets sick or disabled the other will care for them. It's commitment. For richer for poorer, in sickness and health ... etc., it was just without the formality of it. I'll add here that although he took on our expenses when I went to grad school, I have a significant amount of money of my own. He just had more. So we were both in a good place financially. Neither of us will "drain" the other, if that makes sense.

But people have long term relationships that are a lot more casual with less commitment as well, which is fine. As long as you know what to expect. Which is about communication.

I do think the kid thing throws a wrinkle though, because resources -- be they financial or simply the resource of attention and focus -- are limited. If your SO becomes disabled (which is something you asked about, OP) and requires your care and it is a huge financial burden ... does that effect your ability to care for your children? To send them to college? Etc.?

You should discuss these things with him, not us. [/quote]

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