Reply to Husband w/mental health issues, poor executive functioning

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You want him to make more money (you brought up the suggestion that he get an extra p/t job to pay for cleaners), but you are upset he's taking this licensing exam when you would rather be "on another special trip."

He takes your son to cub scouts and karate, but "doesn't stay connected with special activities" so you think your son is missing out on whatever activities those are.

He has gotten a psychiatrist and a therapist and treatment for sleep apnea, but you (who are not, I assume anyway, a doctor? and definitely not his doctor) told him "his meds are not correct"?

You send him a to-do list while he's busy at work and then get high and mighty when he didn't have time to look at it?

He put together the goody bags you asked him to put together, but it took him too long?

He "ruined Easter"? Really? Did he?

I get that you are exhausted and burned out. I really do. We can all see that and sympathize. But I have no doubt he is as well. Offer up the hotel-to-study-for-the-exam thing; I have no doubt he wants to get away from you as well. 
You think his [/quote]

OP here - I'm not asking him right now to get a part-time job to pay for the housecleaner/home maintenance, but if he fails his exam again.  I have been encouraging him for years to take this exam and he's taken it twice before (not in many years though) and the amount of time, money, and the impact on our family during that time was huge and he failed.  I fully support him in studying for his exam and I understand if he is actually committed to studying but has signed up a few other times and then canceled after not studying at all.  I have encouraged him to really sit down and make a solid study plan including hiring a tutor and please let me know how I can support him with that because it is important and he won't progress in his career without it. I've asked a few times since then (6 weeks ago) and he is basically not studying and has not followed up at all with tutoring.  What I'm saying is that if he fails again or cancels it, then I'd like for him to figure out how to pay for extra support to maintain the house.

Karate/scouts: Yes, he takes him to those activities but often skips out because he is too tired and doesn't follow emails or information provided at the events that are shared with parents about the kids needing to complete some paperwork for karate or when there is a special belt promotion or when the scouts are supposed to practice knot-tying or some other thing before the next meeting and he simply doesn't do it and doesn't encourage our son to participate at all.  He doesn't note on the calendar scout events or encourage him to prep for those things at all, so he misses most of the fun activities.....he does the bare minimum for our son to participate.

With the doctor/therapist/medical stuff - I've told him that it doesn't seem like his medical/psychiatric needs are being met by his current plan because he is physically unhealthy [b](he's been gaining a ton of weight, has super low energy, falls asleep constantly, seems foggy headed, and seems more depressed)[/b].  I don't know what the right fit would be but it is something he needs to really bring up and talk with his doctor about. I also encouraged him to meet with a therapist in person because he found a therapist through a random virtual website and from what he's shared, it doesn't sound like he is receiving quality therapy and he is literally going weekly and his ability to function is getting worse, not better.

I sent him a list (including a couple of things that were to-do) during work but he also had time to read it AFTER work but chose to not take any time to actually read it at all.

He put the goody bags together but he complained about how much work it was and left a huge amount of trash just sitting all over our basement and completely failed to even do the other part of the task (these tasks should have only taken a total of 30 minutes but I was trying get him to do something so I didn't have to do EVERYTHING).  Most of the time he actually completes a task, it is because I had to literally write out each individual step and if I don't write out every, single step for him and remind him and put an alarm on to remind me to remind him 2-3 times, he simply won't do it.  I simply asked him to please wrap the 4 boxed birthday gifts for our child (that I picked out and purchased, along with the wrapping paper and birthday card) and because I did not specify to please make them look nice with a ribbon or bow on them along with his name and who it is from, he didn't do any of that.  Just boxes wrapped, nothing more.  That's pretty much how every task is done if he even does it.  It's exhausting.  I don't expect him to do exactly as I do it but there's some things that are nuanced and are just understood as part of a task and that's not something he understands or does.  It's gotten way way worse as our kids have gotten older and schedules more demanding. [/quote]

With psych meds this is par for the course. [/quote]

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