Reply to Why do people blame their siblings over parental favoritism? What is the appropriate response?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, it's not your job to "make it up to her." It sounds like she may have experienced a form of childhood neglect as a result of the favoritism. That's not your fault at all but it REALLY sucks for her. It means she didn't get the emotional support she needed as a kid and it's continuing to have an impact on her sense of self worth and belonging as an adult. That's a really tough place to be and like PPs, I hope she's getting therapy and other support to deal with it.

Also, regarding the help your parents are offering her now as an adult as she lives nearby, just know that kind of thing does not fix or make up for childhood neglect. Being neglected as a kid cannot be fixed with some free pet sitting or rent assistance in your 20s. Her issues are not financial or logistical -- they are emotional and go to the core of her self perception. Your parents might be offering that practical assistance now out of a sense of guilt, but it probably has no impact on the underlying issues. What your sister needs is to feel seen, wanted, and loved.

[b]I recommend that you read the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay Gibson. [/b]I would also recommend it to your sister! I think if you read it, you will understand better how your parents' behavior during your childhood impacted both you and your sister, and you will better understand the struggles your sister is having around the emotional neglect she appears to have experienced. Gibson describes the experience of an adult who was emotionally neglected as a child so perfectly that I felt I was reading my own autobiography when I read this book.

The book also has practical guidance for how to set boundaries and manage communication in a family with these kinds of dynamics. I think it could really help you and your sister move forward. Good luck.[/quote]

Thank you.  [/quote]

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