Reply to Seeing ILs in a new light after estrangement ended

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My MIL and FIL were estranged from DW's Aunt and Uncle for many years (MILs brother and SIL), and as a result, the cousins on that side of the family. The estrangement started shortly before DW and I met 12 years ago. I could tell it was a touchy subject, so I never really pried into it. ILs mentioned the estranged family members from time to time in passing, but that was all.

Recently, MIL/FIL reconnected with the estranged Aunt and Uncle. As a result, we all met up with the Aunt/Uncle/two adult cousins and their kids (who I've never met, and DW hasn't spoken to since the estrangement started), and had a great time! I enjoyed getting to know the adult cousins, as well as the Aunt and Uncle.

One thing that stood out to me was that everyone on the estranged side seemed very emotional (in a good way) about this reunion, like it clearly meant a lot to them. For some context, MIL and FIL have portrayed the estranged side as being gruff, self-absorbed, materialistic,  unemotional. While I'm sure they were all on their best behavior, I just didn't see any of that (other than a little of the materalistic stuff); they all seemed genuinely happy to reconnect, and frankly, more happy to reconnect than DW and her parents and sister.

A few days later, I asked DW point blank why the estrangement happened. The reason? MIL was never really that close to her brother. After their father (DWs grandfather) passed away, MIL realized that she didn't see any need to keep up a relationship. Basically, there was no big "event", MIL just said "eh, I don't really like him that much," and that was that.

Honestly, this has me seeing my IL's in a different light. I understand not being super close to your siblings, but to not talk to your sibling (and subsequently your nieces and nephews) because you just didn't really like your brother than much seems very callous to me.   [/quote]

You don't really know why people do what they do. They are your ILs and people who love your wife and kids, give them due respect and civility and let go of the need to analyze or judge them. You see them though the lense they treat you and your wife, not though the lense of a sociologist or their estranged relatives. [/quote]

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