Reply to How you redistributed the weight of the relationship?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How you redistributed the weight of the relationship? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I worked with a communication coach on how to speak up, have boundaries, and say no.

Example: yesterday I was WFH and H popped in to ask if I wanted him to make me lunch. I said sure. He then kept popping in and out to ask me what I wanted, what we have, do we have XYZ ingredients, etc.

VERY distracting and irritating since I don’t like to be interrupted while working.

I told him that I wanted him to take full ownership of this task and see it through by himself, because if I had to carry the mental burden of stopping work to tell him how to make a lunch, I would rather just order DoorDash or make something myself.

[b]He huffed and said “fine I just won’t make anything” [/b]but 10 minutes later walked in with a burger.

He’s fully capable of figuring things out, he just doesn’t when I’m easily accessible and will answer him or help him out. So I just don’t. [/quote]

Ugh, I hate this attitude. My DH responds in this way as well sometimes. [/quote]

What helped me was explaining that completing a task means taking full ownership of the Conception, Planning, and Execution (this comes from Fair Play).

H would take charge of “cooking dinner” but expected me to pick the recipe, get the groceries, and answer all questions he had on how to cook. That’s the mental load part - the Conception and Planning. If you only do Execution, you’re only doing 1/3 of the task.

H still gets huffy when I point this out but he usually follows through and later admits I’m right. [/quote]

Thanks for this reminder.   I had tried to do that for a few necessary but annoying things that require planning but don’t need to be amazingly timely (vet appointments, kids dentist appointments).   This slipped after we moved and I started conception and planning, leaving the execution to him in some cases.   Which now means I have to explain/justify the “why” and remind him (even if it’s on the calendar) and he thinks he’s doing 100% of the task.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics