Reply to Gf didn’t take anything in divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I do think it’s something you should probe (gently) because her reasons give insight into who she is which affects your relationship

On one extreme, she could be financial illiterate and not have any understanding of martial property, which would concern me and leave me curious about what other general aspects of life she’s missed understanding

On the other, it could be that she’s just not an overly material person and it means more to her to be done with him and anything associated with him than to have money she feels came from him. I could respect that if she understands what she gave up but I’d ask carefully since I’d expect there would be some painful past experiences for her that I was close to

[/quote]

Yeah, I would explore this too.

My STBX is divorcing me after 20 years of marriage and imma take the money and run, lol. He's a cheater and an oblivious fool, but he's not overtly abusive and in fact he wants to "take care of me" to show that he's still a good person. I've done the work on myself to recognize where I have internalized society's messaging about SAHMs and I am mostly confident that it's my/our money, not "his" money, but of course we're all works in progress. This board shows how women's contributions in the home are viewed when it comes to alimony (even when you've done everything right like me -- I came to the marriage with money and he came with debt which I paid off, I out-earned him for many years, I developed a chronic illness from having his kids and we made the decision for me to stay home, and then he had multiple affairs and left me for another woman) and someone will still call me pathetic to try to soothe their own misplaced anger.

STBX has always needed a ton of appreciation, so I just flat out told him that I'm not going to act appreciative to receive the spousal support that I'm entitled to. I'm not going to act appreciative to receive half of our assets. It's my money and I'm going to take it in that spirit. He looked a little nervous, lol.

Anyway, the question is, why would a person walk away from what is hers? What kind of hold does he have over her? What is she escaping? Has she done the emotional work to address those things?

And let's stop telling women that their assets aren't their assets. If you enter a partnership to say, buy some rental properties, and then twenty years later you decide to dissolve the partnership, you split it 50/50. You don't get to say, "But I always did more scouting/maintenance/whatever than you did, so I get more." That's not how partnerships work. You willingly agreed to something that you benefited from and had the power to walk away from at any time if it didn't serve you. You don't get to go back and declare yourself entitled to more at the end.[/quote]

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