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[quote=Anonymous]I applaud your compassion and care, and I also applaud your instinct to protect yourself.

Knowing your aunt and your dad grew up together and that they both lacked any self-care skills as adults, I would venture a guess that they were also abused and neglected as children, perhaps many times worse than what you experienced.  Maybe, maybe she loved you as best she possibly could, and maybe that was a few steps better than how she was loved.

All that said, you have taken huge leaps from your dad's generation and presumably you have broken this chain of abuse and neglect as best you can with YOUR kids.  That's a lot. That's gotta stay your focus.

With compassion for her, maybe there are some gestures you can make to show her that she is not forgotten and she is loved, just to acknowledge that her love (however imperfect) mattered to you and helped you feel seen as a child.  You haven't forgotten her, and she is still loved, if nearly entirely unlikeable now.

If you could channel your guilt into 10 minutes a week of writing a card for her, that could be something that is tangible but doesn't take away from your family.  Just a gesture.  You can't save her.  You can't heal her.  You can't go there and manage her care.  But you can ensure she's not completely forgotten.[/quote]

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