Reply to How to motivate an 8th grader who doesn’t want to do anything besides homework?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can’t force someone to be intellectually curious.  They either are or they aren’t. She’s getting her schoolwork done with straight A’s.  Let her alone to pursue her own interests and friends. They need downtime, too. [/quote]

This. Kids need to have some motivation to do extra things. I would limit screen time. DS is only allowed an hour a day after school, although that tends to end up being closer to 90 minutes. He does not play video games until his school work is done and he has completed whatever he needs to for his activities. There are days where he has no screen time because other activities take up his time. But his time on screens is limited. He is in 7th grade and does not have a phone. We told him to let us know when he wants one and we would discuss it. We are hoping to wait until he is in 9th grade.

I do think allowing unlimited screen time removes the desire to do other activities. I know it is easy for me to get caught up with reading or playing games or chatting or posting on DCUM. If it is easy for me as an adult, how much easier is it for a young teen? Limit the screens. When she is bored she might find that it would be cool to do other things, like a club after school or a sport or an art class or something.

We have always required DS play a rec sport but he selects the sport. He has tried a lot of different sports, which was kind of the point of the exercise, but has settled on soccer. The sport was required because movement is good and because it was good socialization. It also helps to teach how to win nicely and lose with grace. We also know that many boys discuss sports and think it is good for him to be able to participate in those conversations. He did ask to not do a sport this winter season, which we said ok to but he asked to sign up for soccer again in the spring without our having to ask him.

DS chose his other activities because he was interested. He chose math competitions because he likes math and wants to do it. We appreciate that and also support his interest. we do have to remind him to do his homework for his extra class from time to time but there is never a fight. He choses to do it. He has friends who did not have a choice and they begrudgingly participated but it was a fight. I also know kids whose parents forced a sport and the kids fought it.

He also does Scouts. He loves the camp outs and the activities. He understands that earning Eagle would be good for his college applications and future so he is aiming for that but merit badges are not his reason for participating. Some he has enjoyed, some he hasn’t. I think it helps him to learn that there are things you want to accomplish in life that are valuable even if you don’t like every step in completing them. He thrives on the camping and activities though, loves those. [/quote]

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