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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, we did several rounds of therapy and I actually started studying to be a therapist because I was so fascinated by this field. Here's how you can make it work for you:

(1) Find a qualified therapist. This usually means someone who doesn't take insurance and costs well over $200/hour. Most therapists are NOT trained to treat couples...they just jump in without training, though treating couples is nothing like treating individuals.

Just as you would not go to a cardiologist for a stomach or brain issue, you need to ensure you find someone certified in a couple-specific modality.

There are also a lot of non-scientific modalities out there, so you want something research-based. EFT is the best one from my experience, but there are others (Gottman, Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy, etc)

(2) Clarify your definition of "works". Success does not always mean turn your marriage happy. It does mean clarity - understanding very clearly what you can expect from this marriage and making the right decision for you (to stay in it or not).

(3) You can't drag someone to therapy. There needs to be a baseline from both partners of "Our relationship is not working. One or both of us is unhappy. We can't fix it ourselves and would benefit from professional help." If you have different views of who's at fault and how to fix it, that's okay, as long as you both agree there is an issue and both want to make it better.

Couples therapy was transformational for us in terms of improving our connection, sex life, excitement about our marriage. We both feel our marriage is the best it has ever been now. I am so glad we didn't give up after the first couple of crappy therapists and invested a few thousand dollars into someone qualified. [/quote]

Amazing post.  Thank you for the information.[/quote]

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