Reply to Is my wife being unrealistic about her expectations of my work life balance?

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[quote=Anonymous]Could this be about how you’re communicating op? I agree with others that at least hearing your side (understanding we haven’t heard her perspective, but it sounded like you are reasonable and tried to present this fairly and fully) that she is not giving you quite enough grace here. But is likely overwhelmed postpartum. And that snow day was probably not a “you did something wrong” situation and more a this really sucked for both of us situation. Being home with a newborn and four year old is rough. And your situation sounded impossible as well.

So this is why I’m wondering about the communication, have you really talked through the changes in your job? Having a convo and being like hey im worried how this might impact us because im having trouble doing xyz thing that i used to do and then be really clear why: work feels very different now, the pace is different than im used to sweetie im expected to be on a lot of meetings so i want to work together and think about how we can adjust so you still feel supported.

and when you had that hard snow day did you explain that morning exactly what was going on - I have that suite presentation tomorrow so I need to be on x meeting, this is so rough let’s game plan so you’re ok. But like really explain the work situation - I have the csuite meeting, I need to prepare the presentation and if I miss xyz meetings I won’t have the info to properly present.

I’m sharing all this because I kind of recognize myself in your wife. I think because my husband works remote and has been so involved sometimes honestly my expectations of him can be too high. I also have a flexible job where I can truly “call out” most of the time if needed. Before he would just say he needed to do something but I didn’t understand why it was so time sensitive and I would get frustrated. Now he spends a lot more time actually telling me what’s going on at work - hey x just came in from a client which means I really need to get this to x colleague so we can have this up for them by the morning, would it work for you to handle x and then I’ll be upstairs at y? Honestly I should just trust him because he is very involved and does so much. But it has really helped for him to let me in a little. When I understand the situation it’s like oh yeah of course - go get get that done. He’s also explained why coverage doesn’t work as well at his work. Like hey I could have Sam cover this but then xyz woudl happen so it would be easier for me to just do it. It really helps me to hear his decision making that is balancing work and our family. Again not saying I’m in the right, he deserves trust (and I think I do give him that now) but he has found this helps a lot so he does it automatically now and it works way better. I work too so I get it when he explains, like oh of course you need to handle that, makes sense.[/quote]

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