Reply to Anyone else at the “is this it?” stage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again. Or another example- I’ve been really excited for Valentine’s Day and spent a bunch of time planning a menu, figuring out what movie to go see, etc. No real enthusiasm from H, just a “sounds good” and he booked a sitter. But other than that, no engagement.

I realize I’m being nitpicky but I *want* someone who also gets excited and will engage with me. It’s not just about booking a sitter and picking up flowers from the grocery store on the way home, I want someone as excited as I am and who can also take the initiative in planning what to do.

I don’t know if that makes sense. Obviously not something worth blowing up the family over, and I know most men are like this. But I’m depressed that this is all there is to life, planning stuff for a bunch of people who don’t care. [/quote]

I'm going to gently suggest that you rearrange your thinking here. What is it that you're excited about for Valentine's Day? You said you're planning a menu, so you're looking forward to cooking an elaborate meal at home? I understand wanting to do that, I like cooking and I appreciate when I have extra time to do so, but if no one else will appreciate that you may be setting yourself up for failure.

You want to go see a movie but if you're also cooking a big meal, what time are you going to the movies on a Friday after school and work that isn't going to result in your three-year old having a total meltdown at being out until 10 pm?

Your husband booked a sitter, that's not nothing. You need to be able to take the victories where you can. You sound like unless he meets your exact level of excitement you will be disappointed. That's a standard he's likely tired of trying to meet.

Was he a planner when you were dating? I assume you've been together for at least 10 years. Did he used to plan fun stuff? Did he used to get excited about making a meal? It's quite possible that he's struggling with a mid-life crisis so maybe instead of harping on him you could tell him you notice he's changed and he doesn't seem like the same guy he was before kids and what can you do to help him get back to there?

I'm not trying to be mean, but you seem to expect to have everyone cater to you in a way that's unreasonable. Your kids and husband shouldn't be ungrateful jerks, but expecting everyone to be hyped about your plans isn't fair.[/quote]

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