Reply to Anyone else at the “is this it?” stage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have to walk away. Not from your husband but from the frustrating stuff some days. Pick a night and sign up for a workout class. Leave the house and don't come back until bedtim is done. It will be amazing. It will be really hard for DH but he will manage. It can be the pizza bight if he takes the easy way outs maybe they won't be bathed, but you will get a mental break for caring for everyone. I did that for a year straight when youngest was 3 as she was adamant if only mommy for bedtime and it was unsustainable. For a while I did the workout class, then did a late workday and dinner/ikea out. Whatever. And the kids do feed off your negative energy. It sounds mean but it's true. When I pick them up with a smile and a joke most of the time it turns their sour mood around. 
And stop nagging your spouse. Decide Sunday what days they are in for dinner and leave it. At worst it'll be toast or scrambled eggs and frozen peas. People won't learn to do stuff themselves if someone's always reminding or saving them last minute. [/quote]

OP. The nights off are a good idea, I’ll give that a shot.

It’s not so much nagging, like I legit don’t care if we have eggs and peas or toast or takeout or whatever. I don’t really know how to explain it…it’s like, I just want to have to stop being the decision-maker. [b]H will very happily say “I’ll make dinner! Just tell me what you want and I’ll make it”. When what I want is to just come home and dinner is made. [/b]

Or we still haven’t potty trained 3yo and H says “I’m happy to help! Just tell me what to do” when what I want is someone who cares enough to initiate the discussion on how we should potty train, research methods, etc.

I also want him to be able to step in and help when he recognizes I’m mentally failing. Like tonight when I was crying and said please, I can’t take being the one to make all these decisions and fight the kids on getting ready to go, I want him to say no problem I’ve got it. But instead he walks away and decides we just won’t go because that’s easier. [/quote]

Tell him dinner is on him and then leave it at that. Have a backup you can microwave if he fails and the kids are hungry. Try again the next time. Just STOP making decisions for him.

In terms of him not listening to/caring about you, that would upset me a lot. Can you discuss it at a time that you're not feeling overwhelmed? But if you don't want to make something happen and he doesn't either, then probably try to be ok with it not happening. There are things my husband will do that need to be done, but then there are other things that if I want them to happen, I need to be able to make them happen. At times when I'm really busy with other things, those things just may not happen, and that's ok. If he's saying well I guess the kids just won't see the doctor for their annual checkups because he doesn't want to do it, that's a problem. If it's not going to a movie, that is not a problem.

Decision fatigue is real, and it's ok to say I've had enough of it. It's also possible some sort of SSRI would be helpful for you.[/quote]

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