Reply to Staying together with an open marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would very intentionally and openly redefine the marriage and let him know that I’m staying for the sake of finances and stability, but I am no longer here to love or support him as a wife.  I will be seeing other people, feel free to do the same (as though he isn’t already). [/quote]

Thank you - this is exactly what I've been thinking. For now, I feel like it's the only solution. Yes, I will have resentment, but I've had it for years and have learned how to deal and compartmentalize. Probably not the healthiest approach, but it works for me. [/quote]

I won't suggest you see an individual therapist because I think you've gotten the validation you wanted to find here, and will resist the idea that compartmentalizing and being resigned to resentment and profound disrespect are incredibly toxic. But hey, maybe Im wrong and you'll see a therapist who isn't just going to nod and tell you this is all a great idea.

You are already IN what you choose to call an "open marriage," OP, and what others would call serial infidelity on one side, and a paralyzed acceptance on the other. You're here to find approval for letting this continue. Nowhere do you express that YOU desire lovers, attention, etc. In fact you say you love your DH. He no longer loves you, if he ever truly did, becuase love includes respect and he has none for you, the marriage or--believe me--the children, either.

I know this all sounds harsh toward you but it really isn't meant to be. It would be good if you could at least admit, though, that you are not changing a thing, you're just renaming the status quo in your life so you can find some more accpetable or cooler way to frame being lied to and cheated on.[/quote]

She is on here asking for approval for an "open marriage," which I read as seeking approval to see other people.  That sounds to me like a desire for other lovers.  Your assumptions about their love for each other and their kids are groundless. That's between OP, her husband, and her kids.  OP can do whatever is best for her and her kids, including seeing other people if she does it discretely. She certainly doesn't owe fidelity to her husband at this point.

You sound like an AP waiting in the wings for her guy to leave his wife.  [/quote]

Nope, she has given zero indications she wants other men. Sure, she probably does, but that's not what she's said here at all. She's sadly trying to put an "open marriage" gloss on being a cheated-on spouse. Where do you get that she wants an open marriage for her own sake sexually? Read the post. It's all about reframing what she's already living with. How you "read" it as "seeking approval to see other people" is your take, not what she's saying.

She herself posted that she still loves him. Did you miss this post by OP earlier in the thread, PP? 
[b]THIS - Yes, I do love him and hate the idea of not sharing a life together[/b]

The line about my sounding like an AP in the wings for this guy is hilarious. Thanke for the laugh. If you can't tell that I think cheating is vile, and open marriage is a trendy sham designed to make cheating seem OK, well, you have truly poor comprehension. 
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