Reply to Really tough morning with teen - did I do the right thing?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think this punishment is completely fine but you need to have warned him and told him that’s what’s it’s going to be.  Always be 100 percent clear what the consequence will be and have them repeat it back to you so you know they processed it.  And then follow through.

In this situation I would probably let him go on the ski trip, have a full reset when he gets back, air it all out, and come up together with a plan of what you’re going to do.  Which means both of you agreeing next week, the ski trip is on the line.[/quote]

Thank you. I did point out all week what assignments were missing and that his weekend plans were on the line.

I think your last paragraph really resonates with me. I'll give that a thought.[/quote]

This was me who posted already.

I think a lot of times it feels like we can’t go back on what we said or undo something.  That it shows weakness or lack of resolve or in the future the kid won’t listen to anything we say.  I have struggled with this. I think sometimes it is okay if we have more time to think and we made a mistake, we are accountable and we go back and fix it.  If we do this with openness and transparency, we model that behavior for them and in the end it just makes the relationship stronger and these issues become easier to navigate in the future.  Just my 2 cents.  Good luck OP.  [/quote]

But sometimes you DO have to hold the line. If the OP was warning him and he was ignoring it, I think it would have been okay for her to talk to him that week and say [b]“I really don’t want you to miss the ski trip, and I feel like that’s where we’re going. I’m willing to bend if you meet me halfway. What is realistic?”
[/b]
But that has to be before, and so would the solutions. Like “I can make a list of all the missing assignments and get as many done as possible in two hours after dinner tonight” and then you both sit and do that is maybe a path to ski trip but “next week I will turn in everything” is not, because that is the very thing you are trying to help him stop believing/doing in the first place. [/quote]
LOL. If I said this to my husband he would hear, "You get to go on the ski trip". It would be better to say thr history assignment that was due Dec 1 and pages 88-104 of your math homework will he turned over to me the night of Dec 15 for me to check for completeness otherwise there will be no ski trip". [/quote]

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