Reply to Resentment/regret re difficult son

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you need to be prepared that this may be a life-long status quo.

I am of the same opinion as others to let your son sink or swim on his own. IF (and that's a big if) there is still a chance he can turnaround, he needs to do it on his own. The younger he does so, the better.

Have an older sibling with identical history and behaviors. Early on, he had all kinds of support provided to him: college tuition, rent/living expense support, car/insurance, and even when he dropped out - a family member helped him get his foot in the door for a well-paying job at a good company.

He even had therapy benefits at that job and did two in-patient stays during that time.

None of it mattered.

The ONLY time in his life when he managed to live successfully was when both parents had died, he was estranged from all of us, and he was 100% completely on his own.

This included draining a trust fund which was left to him and could only be used for living expenses, vital needs, etc.

Once he was "of age" (which was 40) to access the principle he blew through it in a matter of months. With nothing to show for it. My parents thought he would have "grown out" of his behavior by then and could manage the money on his own. They thought wrong.

IMO his early drug/alcohol use affected his brain and emotional development. He is essentially a 14 year old - very intelligent but without emotional regulation or insight into how his choices have consequences.

He hit rock bottom, bounced from flea-bag hotels to rented rooms, then wound up living in his car for many months until he scraped up enough money to move into a place of his own.

It took him until he was 60 years old to get to that point. Yes, 60.

He continued to do hard day-labor physical jobs until he was 62 and was old enough to collect Social Security. It is nowhere near enough for him to live on even with food/SNAP benefits.

He is now in his 70s and still hasn't changed. He can have an empty gas tank, empty cupboard, and an unpaid utility bill - but if you give him $100 he will go out and buy something a 14-year-old would. A drone, musical instrument, collectible item, etc.

I have no idea what the future holds for him. Especially now with all the impending cuts to any kind of federal benefits. [/quote]

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