Reply to I told my daughter a prom dress looked unflattering on her... mistake or no?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What you said: NBD

The way you said it: I don’t know.[/quote]
I think her DD is a bit too sensitive.

My 16 yr old DD has a flat chest. I tell her when the dress doesn't fit right b/c of it.

Better to hear it from mom than have peers snickering behind her back.[/quote]

Is it better? I actually don't think it is.

This was the approach my mom took a lot when I was growing up. But:

(1) I think a lot of time she imagined that my peers would have negative reactions to something I wore because she had absolutely no idea what teen girls in the 80s/90s actually liked or wore. Her style was firmly stuck in the early 60s and she wanted me to wear twinsets and midi skirts. She was imagining that my peers would say mean things about me if I showed up to school in ripped jeans or a baby tee layered under a slip dress because those things looked insane to her. It's also how fashionable kids dressed at the time.

(2) Having my mom repeatedly tell me that my clothes were bad and that I looked bad in them had a very negative longterm impact on my self esteem. Even now, decades later, I often second guess what I'm wearing and struggle to follow my instincts as to what looks good. It drive my DH nuts, actually. I'm alway asking him "does this look stupid? do I look ridiculous?" because I was conditioned through my entire adolescence to always be worried that someone, somewhere might think my outfit was bad. I really wish I could just look in the mirror and think "I'm happy, that's what matters." It's incredibly hard.

I honestly think it would be better for my own DD to find out some peers "snickered" about her outfit behind her back than to hear her mother trying to prevent this by nitpicking her clothes all the time. Who cares what some judgmental b's think and why should we cater to them?[/quote]

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