Reply to My mom is always picking time with my sister over time with me

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here - I talked to her about it a few years ago and she got very defensive and said everyone (meaning my sister and me) are both always mad at her and making her feel bad when she spends time with the other one so she just wasn't going to do anything with any one any more.  I thought very carefully about both 1) was I guilting her (yes I was) and 2) was my sister truly getting more time / attention (also yes).  Since then I've been extremely careful to not guilt her or make negative comments about anything she's doing with my sisters family.  About 2 years ago she alluded to our still making her feel bad and I pushed back and said no, I took the feedback and hadn't for several years, she deserved to spend her time how she wanted (which i do believe, but how she wants hurts), and asked her to give any examples of when I've done that in the last couple years.  She backpedaled and said something like "ok maybe its just your sister still doing that"

We have a very comfortable house and I make sure my mom doesn't have to take on extra work when she visits, though she does jump in with things.  When I say I have more of a social network, its not snarky its true.  I have friends for a girls weekend, friends to celebrate my bday with etc while my sister doesn't really - so if I'm looking for not personal reasons for the imbalance, I could see my mom feeling the pull to give my sister a break from the grind while I have other sources for that.

My sister lives 3 hour drive away while I live a 10 hour drive away, so they see each other a lot more for the little things (coming for kids concerts and bdays etc).  That makes sense.  But its the big things that get me - they're spending 3 full weeks on my sister / her family this summer so I'm told there's only time for us for 1.  The same thing the last 2 summers.  They plan a trip with her family, have her kids visit on their own, meets my sister somewhere for a girls trip etc and then I'm told they're "so busy this summer" and there's time for one week for my family whatever combo of people I want to use it on.

I'm just kind of rambling at this point - she's obviously making the choice she is because she prefers it (consciously or not, because of things about me or because of just feeling a pull to give more to my sister).  I try really hard to make sure she enjoys the time with us, to focus on the fact that we still get a decent amount of time together and I'm lucky to have a parent I want to spend time with, and to not care that there's such an obvious preference....but its hard when your mom over and over chooses a sibling over you [/quote]

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