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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I try to stay out of it, operationally and logistically. I also do NOT judge. I know people who have deep emotional wounds and for whom that sort of cheating was a last resort, often in response to their spouse doing something equally wrong. So I do not automatically blame the visible cheater. Betrayals take many shapes and forms.

But DCUM usually knows only one form of betrayal and judges accordingly.

OP, you are not in their shoes. If I were you, I wouldn't take on this burden of judgement. You don't know what you don't know.
[/quote]

This is very wise.  I suspect there are more things going on and why passing a judgement or disowning a close friend is not the way to go IMHO.   What we see about other's private lives is a tip of an iceberg. But I feel a burden weighing me down and I need my friend to know why the "lover" is no longer invited and I and my teens don't want to be around this person.  I felt wronged by the "lover" (it wasn't directed towards me, but it was ugly to witness) and concerned my teens witnessed it too, which caused tension in my own family.. I think the friend needs to know even though it may be hurtful and not pleasant..

I am debating if I have to suck it up and just ghost the "lover" and have the friend "figure it out", or come clean and say why..[/quote]

Your job here is to make sure your children don’t get stuck carrying someone else’s secret. Everything else is noise.
[/quote]

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