Reply to MIL claims she has a right on my DH

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[quote=Anonymous]This is hard, because it's not what Americans are culturally used to.  If your DH's family had the multi-generational view of wealth accumulation and caring for family, then his mom may be in a poor financial position now.  They built their lives assuming they could depend on their adult kids when they needed financial help. That often comes in the form of living together, but not always.

American families attempt to be financial independent from one another. It's harder and harder to do that these days, but that's the plan.  So if my American born/raised mother isn't being wise with her money in retirement,  I may help here and there, but it's not really my responsibility. My Arab husband feels very differently, and does a lot to support his mother, who has relied her whole life on men to provide.  And I support that because I know they had different expectations and he's the oldest son.  However, I also make my own income so I'm never 100% reliant on his income.  It can take some large fluctuations and our lifestyle doesn't take a hit.

If your MIL depended on the men in her life, all her life, I'd cut her and your DH some slack. It's complicated translating one cultural expectation to another.

That doesn't mean just do as she says.  It's definitely a decision you and your DH need to make.  Your mental health and quality of life, and your ongoing relationship with your husband, have to take priority.  And if you have kids, they need to be considered too.  Does funding your MIL come at the expense of funding a college fund, for example.

I just feel like an older woman with no real money-generating options is in a tough place and extending a little bit of understanding might be helpful.  [/quote]

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