Reply to How do you deal with a spouse who undermines your parenting every step of the way?

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[quote=Anonymous]You need to take this conversation out of the moment. Pick a calm time when your kid is not around, and have a conversation. Not accusatory, not a fight, not an "I'm right you're wrong" but a conversation.

"I've noticed that we seem to be on different pages with our parenting lately. For example, it seems like I'd prefer to push Larlo towards doing chores and cleaning up after himself, whereas it seems like maybe you think this should not be a priority for him? Have you noticed this?"

See what he says. Listen, listen, listen. Maybe he thinks you're too hard on Larlo or your tone is too sharp. Maybe he's worried about XYZ other stressor in Larlo's life. Maybe he's seeing something that you aren't (like you always pick a bad time to bring up the chores). Etc, etc, etc. You can also share your thought process - around the importance of responsibility and independence.

See if you can find some agreement or compromise that you're both happy with. Keep in mind, part of this is COMPROMISE. You may decide together about what is most important and decide to let other things go, for example.

And I would make sure to end the conversation with some specifics AND an agreement to not undermine the other in front of the kid - if you need to revisit part of this conversation, you'll do it privately. And if he DOES call you out in front of Larlo,  after you've agreed on this, you say "honey, can I speak to you privately for a second?" and you go into another room and remind him. You really want to be a united front with the kid, and that's MORE important (IMHO) than the details of what you're enforcing and what you're letting slide. [/quote]

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