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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I did at first. Took therapy and perspective to stop. Its not healthy ir appropriate for you or your kids. Let them be their own people but most importantly, remind yourself that your value doesn't lie in your kids. It doesnt even lie in your parenting (and those are 2 different things; you can be a great parent with a kid who messes up a lot).

What did you base your value on before you had kids?[/quote]

OP here. I was never a good student in elementary or middle. Didn’t try and had a lot going on. Got better in high school.  Always wished that I was better. I guess I always thought that my kids would not have the problems that I had and will have a nicer childhood and involved parents so will automatically excel and will have a natural drive. But it didn’t turn out that way. While my kids are good kids, they are above average at school, and sports, I feel they are not that driven to improve themselves and are okay with mediocre work at times..so it boggles my mind why they don’t want to try more and improve? In all aspects of life? [/quote]

I really don’t mean this unkindly, but why would you assume that your children would be exceptional? By definition, so few people are. Even really smart ones. Assuming your kids will be the rare ones with exceptional intelligence and the drive and EQ to be truly successful feels unrealistic and unwise as a parent.

Like you I had a hard childhood that dimmed my light and lowered my drive and probably caused me to underachieve in a lot of ways. But having a parent and seeing some of my basic executive functioning issues reflected in my very young child has given me some peace in a sense and helped me see that a lot of this is genetic and outside your control as a parent. Maximize the kids you’ve got with realistic expectations. You can live a great, meaningful life without being exceptional.[/quote]

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