Reply to How important was knowing your partner's past when dating them?

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[quote=Anonymous]I mean, I get it OP, because I’m also someone who loves to ask and hear about my partner’s past.

But I learned the hard way you really have to be careful what you wish for. I don’t think women are really prepared for a lot of the more extreme sexual behavior and fantasies of many men. They’ve had threesomes, used sex workers, and yes, they’d absolutely bang your sister.

A lot of men have had girlfriends/wives freak out after they admit these, so they don’t want to talk about it.

Even non-sexual stuff can mess you up. Once, during post-sex intimate pillow talk, we talked about our past marriages and H admitted to me he doesn’t feel the same connection with me that he did his first wife. Mostly because they were young and child-free, so their relationship revolved around each other and doing fun things as a couple (travel, seeing live music, art, etc). I came into the relationship with a kid and then we had our own child very quickly because of age, so we never got to do those things. It’s still something that hurts me a lot because who wants to hear that an ex is more special?

I think you should find different ways to build intimacy beyond discussing your past. A lot of people use discussing the past sort of as a free therapy, and an actual therapist may be better suited for this so you can have fun with your BF. [/quote]

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