Reply to 4th grader isolated at school and in group settings

Forum Index » Elementary School-Aged Kids

Reply to "4th grader isolated at school and in group settings"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There have to be groups the Queen Bee girl is not controlling or a part of, right?

When my kids have had trouble or are being excluded by a group (happened to both of them) I asked them to visualize the lunchroom or recess and go through all the options of pairs and groups or individuals they could approach to sit with/play with.  They would do it out loud and describe all the social dynamics to me.  Well this table or this pair or group is over here doing this.  In both cases, it ended up making them realize there were other options.  They get tunnel vision and in their brains they don't even see other social options when they are right there.  I think for kids it feels terrifying to think of going "down" a social notch.  But just empower them to realize there are many options and they have agency and control.  She doesn't have to just hang around getting rebuffed and feeling like crap.[/quote]

I did something similar with my DD when she went through a very rough patch with friends in 4th grade.  They were excluding her, and the one girl who was still OK with my DD's participation was also very bossy with my DD such that their friendship wasn't very healthy for my kid.  (My DD played the part of lackey to the other girl, who wasn't very nice, kind and didn't seem into the friendship for the right reasons, but b/c the other girls weren't friendly to my DD, she was acquiescing to the relationship dynamic of the one girl who was "accepting" her.)  So, I had my daughter do an exercise for a week to take note of one girl each day who looked like she could be someone my DD could approach at recess, possibly playing something she could join in, maybe someone kind of on her own) and just note it down in her head for a week, and then the following week we made a plan of action for her to approach said other girls she noted to see about a connection.  It kind of worked, in that it allowed her an out for a little while from the toxic situation that was bringing her down.  She got to know some other girls decently well, learned a bit about how to notice others and reach out to others.

The dynamics shifted so much and so often after that that the situation in 4th at recess did become a non issue relatively soon thereafter, and continued to evolve so much and now she's in 7th (granted, at a larger public w/ many more social opportunities), but I really do think those really intentional moments in 4th taught her a lot about how others' behavior made her feel, and how she could work to alleviate her situation or solve her issues.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics