Reply to Does hiring childcare make me a bad parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why on earth would you tell your coworker about your plans to hire a night nurse? Why are you talking about how you plan to handle childcare during your maternity leave? The very fact that she knows these details is a sign that you are talking to much about this stuff at work. You are seeking approval from someone you work with regarding something that isn't even her business. And now you are mad she won't give it to you. Why should she??

She's probably thinking about how she'll be picking up your slack at the office while you are on maternity leave and she can't even console herself by thinking "well I'm sure she's exhausted with night wake-ups" or "she probably has way too much on her plate at home with multiple kids including an infant." Instead now when she's covering your work, she'll be thinking about how you slept soundly through the night and are skipping off for a manicure while your nanny takes care of your kids. That's 100% your right and I don't think you're a "bad parent" for having help, but I do think you're kind of a crap colleague and socially tone deaf for thinking these are appropriate things to discuss at work right before going out on leave.[/quote]

OP here. Almost all of us parents with young kids. We regularly discuss our kids. Childcare was brought up because many of our us are in that phase right now. She doesn’t have kids and came in later in the conversation.

She doesn’t do my job at all so no slack to pick up. We have different positions.

My nanny is only here when I’m at work or now when I’m on maternity leave to maintain her employment. [/quote]

Well why would you care what someone who doesn't even have kids thinks?

Also I do think you should be learning a lesson here about sharing too much personal info. If childcare comes up, you choose what to share and what not to share. Stop telling people about your night nurse. Maybe if you were in a 1:1 situation with another mom talking explicitly about dealing with sleeplessness with an infant, you share that if you think the info would actually help her. But that's going to be a hot button and you should know that. Most people can't afford one and even among people who can, there are of course people who think parents should do that themselves. It doesn't matter if you agree. You should know it's the sort of thing likely to raise eyebrows. I would never mention that in a group of coworkers.

The stuff about your nanny working through maternity leave is just normal. What is your nanny going to just go without a job for 3-4 months while you're on leave? Of course not. If your kids were in daycare would you pull them from daycare for a few months while you were home? No, it's stupid. You don't need to be defensive about that because you're doing the standard thing.

But if you colleague is judgmental -- who cares? It doesn't affect you. I bet you sometimes judge people randomly for dumb reasons too. Let it go.[/quote]

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