Reply to Can someone explain “friends” who speak badly behind your back?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, are you sure the friend who told you isn't the problematic person. There are people who love to set off dramatics. The whole thing may not have happened or may have been taken out of context. You've heard of "stirring the pot"? I you are wanting to end a friendship over this, at least ask her why she said that if it happened at all.

[/quote]

This is an excellent point -- how did OP find out and what was the context.

Personally, I would proceed with caution with everyone involved at this point. I went through this with a friend group and in the end I wound up just leaving the whole group because while some parties were likely more responsible for the toxic gossip behavior than others, in the end it was impossible to untangle it and I never felt like I could trust them as a group again. If it's normalized in a group to engage in this kind of behavior -- talking about friends behind their backs, "reporting back" on what other people said, etc. -- the relationships become unsalvageable because even if you think the people you keep close won't engage in it, as long as they are friends with people who DO engage in it, it could happen whether they want it to or not.

I've learned that when it comes to groups of friends, you have to start from a premise of "we don't gossip about each other or bad mouth each other behind one another's backs." If that's the ethos from the start, then even if people try to stir up drama, it gets shut down and people move on. But you have to start there.[/quote]

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