Reply to Why do parents punish the more successful children?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Brushing up on the parable of the prodigal son might be helpful. I'm not Christian but I've always liked the relatability of it, I see it in many families and agree with supporting your kid who needs help.[/quote]

This.  Imagine what it feel like to be your sibling. Unable to support themselves, always having to get help from their parents, essentially stuck in a bad dream of feeling like everyone looks down on them and sees them as still a child even though they’re grown adults? If you could Freaky Friday the situation, I guarantee you would run screaming back to your current life the minute you you saw how that felt. It also might help you feel a little more empathy for your sibling. Old habits are hard to break for underachievers - once you’ve lived a life for awhile where you aren’t able to support yourself, it’s really tough to break the cycle. Be thankful for who you are in this situation.[/quote]

Disagree, this is foolish thinking. Moochers will mooch. Why work when parents carry the bills? Why take employment seriously when mom and dad are there to rescue you? Do you seriously think these folks feel embarrassed?[/quote]

Yeah, this.

I think often this dynamic emerges due to other dysfunction that has been compounded. Like in my DH's family, his brother has a demanding, entitled personality and has been that way since he was a kid. He's the oldest and his parents accommodated him. DH is younger and learned to be self sufficient by necessity because his parents were always wrapped up with his brother. Well fast forward 50 years and it's still this dynamic only BIL is abusive and manipulative (will threaten self harm or rage at his elderly parents if they don't let him live with them, but him a car, agree to fund his latest unrealistic money making scheme). DH is just calmly plugging away at life.

Sure, it's better to be DH than his brother -- DH is independent with a career and a family. But he also has a lifetime of having been neglected by his parents, including as a young child. And he's struggled with that as he's become a dad and had to wrestle with having no real role models for how to be a dad and feeling alone within his family if origin. But unlike his brother, he'll never get any help or support with it. He just has to keep going without. That sows resentment.

Likely both DH and his brother would be better off of his parents had instead actually parented them both instead of just allowing the entire family to be held hostage by his brother. But the harm to DH is invisible to any of them. All they see is the BIL'struggles.[/quote]

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