Reply to Keeping Your Sanity as the "Pick Up the Slack" Partner

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Reply to "Keeping Your Sanity as the "Pick Up the Slack" Partner"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the problem is the shared aspect of it and the fact that he views his role as help (that is you’re the CEO and you’ve assigned him a task), vs him owning the entire project. ... One person should own it all. With vacations, other than agreeing on dates together, one person owns it all, book flights, hotels, activities, packing, getting the family to the airport etc. [/quote]
I agree with this. OP, you're putting your husband in a no-win situation by dismissing each and every one of his suggestions, while at the same time wanting him to be involved. No matter what, he is the "slack" partner who's not stepping up to the plate.

Of course, if he were to insist on leading the project himself, then you'd deride every one of his decisions along the way to make him feel worse and yourself feel better. While at the same time offering him no help.

Own your projects, especially if they're your own idea. If you can't complete them without his help, then have some faith in your husband, hand him the reins, and stop feeling the need to belittle him at every opportunity.[/quote]

The frank misogyny and a lot of these responses is why this is such a problem. At no point does OP‘s post suggest that she’s belittling her husband. And before you make an assumptive statement that she is “probably doing this“, you’re probably wrong. Women don’t want their marriages to fail, contrary to what you might believe.[/quote]
It is not misogyny to critique someone who happens to be a woman. It's clearly laid out in the post that, whether OP's husband is...

- Taking on a project, while asking DW for input
- Taking the initiative to do some things, without DW's input
- Taking the initiative to do some things, with DW's input
- Making simple suggestions to DW, without taking action

...then it is problematic. The only things DH has not yet tried are the two extremes: to take over as HoH and delegate projects as desired, with OP having no say in the matter (basically what OP has been doing to him, with few exceptions), or to not be involved any projects at all, both of which would obviously infuriate the OP.

OP's learned behavior is to (on pain of being called a misogynist again) domineer in the relationship, but her biology is telling her the husband needs to lead. Two strong but conflicting beliefs that makes OP impossible to work with.

DH should be declared Venerable for the miracle that has been him remaining kind and agreeable after so many years of this nonsense, and OP needs to find a good therapist.[/quote]

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