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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For those of you firmly in the "nature" camp, how do you not throw your hands up in the air on all the hard stuff, like helping a kid who struggles with executive functioning skills get through their homework or helping another kid with no athletic talent try to find a somewhat enjoyable sport?  Why am I working so hard to save for college, shuttle kids to activities, pay for musical instruments, etc?  [b]Why not just focus on my hobbies and let the chips fall with the kids?[/b] [/quote]

That's basically what I do.

I think it's absolutely ridiculous to force kids into "sports MWF, music Tu Th, excel in all academics" when adults don't even do that.

If you look at most adults:

- "sports" tends to be going to the gym when you have the time, maybe 1-2 times a week, and playing a sports game with friends on the weekends maybe 1-2 times a month.

- "music" is having a guitar and noodling around on it here and there, learning the songs you enjoy or just getting together with friends to jam

- "excel" at work is finding the 1-2 things you're really good at and enjoy, and focusing exclusively on those

- our interests change throughout our seasons and lives, and that's okay. I do more "sports" in the summer and "music" in the winter. The activities I pick change depending on life circumstances (like "sports" being more walks and exercises at the playground when I have small kids, vs the intense Crossfit workouts I used to do). My career has changed probably 5 times because I lose interest and want a new challenge.

What it looks like for my kids:

- They're signed up for a sport but I really don't care if we go or not. Sometimes they want to go 4-5 days a week. Sometimes they need a couple weeks off. Sometimes they want to try something new. Sometimes for exercise we just do the playground every day. I trust they know what their bodies and minds need.

- Music is more of a group activity (which is what it's supposed to be for humans, anyway. The whole "sit alone and practice" thing is NOT a natural way to learn!). We play music at home all the time, go to shows, have a bunch of kid's instruments they can mess around with, sing together, etc.

- I'm a dancer, so I do a ton of dance and gymnastics at home. Kids watch me and participate when they want to, leave when they don't. There's zero pressure, but they do pick up dance and gymnastics skills.

- My ADHD DD hates academics, so we find other things she enjoys. She started a business and makes decent money from it, and those are skills that will actually help her in real life. It teaches her executive functioning skills in a different way, because while I help her with her business, I don't do it for her. And there's very tangible consequences - if she makes more money, it's rewarding, if she loses money, she learns she needs to change something.

Plus there's SO much nurture beyond your control. My parents pushed me to be a veterinarian, which I was on track to do. Then in college I took a yoga class, fell in love, and became a yoga teacher instead (which then set me on a path to a few other careers).
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