Reply to If you have kids from first marriage, how do you commit to a new relationship?

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Reply to "If you have kids from first marriage, how do you commit to a new relationship?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you said, "I can never again give myself fully over to another person I love while responsible for my kids. ... In middle age - there are looming aging issues."

To edit your statement, you should delete the "while responsible" part. Fact is, no matter how old your children are you will always feel a sense of responsibility towards them.

Face the fact that you will probably never have a truly committed relationship with a man again because you simply can't commit. Your kids will always come first. That's true now, and it will be true when you are 80, 90 or 100 years old.

Can you meet someone? Sure. Can you have a long-term relationship? Sure. Can you explain that your kids come first? Sure.

This is all doable in theory. Where is becomes hard is when you try to actually practice it.

Let's say your kids are launched, families of their own, maybe even grandkids. You've been remarried for 10 years. If the kids call and say they've set up a big family reunion, but they don't want you to bring your spouse. They've never indicated that they don't like him, they would just like the gathering to be "real" family members. What would you do?

Let's say you have a kid who hasn't launched and might not. This kid need constant financial support to the level where it impacts your savings/retirement. If you give all you can to your kid, you will need to rely on your husband to pick up the slack. Would you expect that?

These are the kinds of things to think about before you even go looking for someone - casual or not.

Once you became a mother, your future is no longer yours.

[/quote]

Your first example is actually pretty easy - you raise your kids properly.

I have 2 young adult kids.  My mom is in a serious relationship with a guy.  Barring any serious offenses, I can’t imagine myself ever saying to my mom that her companion (they don’t live together) is not welcome because I want to gather our “real family”  similarly to how I would never say to my kids in this situation that their partners are not welcome.  This is a basic courtesy.

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