Reply to If you have kids from first marriage, how do you commit to a new relationship?

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Reply to "If you have kids from first marriage, how do you commit to a new relationship?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel very sad that although I can have casual relationship and would like a longterm one, when it comes down to it my kids come first. I won't do anything that feels like a risk to my relationship with them or to our lives. I can never again give myself fully over to another person I love while responsible for my kids. My ex cohabited and blended families very quickly, and I just don't think it's good for the kids.

How do I accept that another adult, even when ideal, is a risk to my stability with the kids? In middle age I have assets, there are looming aging issues, I don't know how to approach this.[/quote]

I totally get this. My first relationship after my divorce last 3.5 years but in the end I had to leave because he wanted more than I wanted to give - of my time, attention, partnership, etc. - because my kids came first. He also wanted me to be more involved in his kids lives that I wanted to be. I have three of my own. He was and is a great guy but I had much stronger boundaries about this.

I am now in a long distance relationship and have been for more than 5 years. It sounds crazy but it is working so well. He also has 3 kids and is very involved with them. We are each other's emotional support and partner but neither of us need/want the day to day at this time in our lives. We see each other at least once a month for a week or so. We are approaching the end of the long-distance era as our kids are flying the nest and I look forward to it, but also appreciate that I can still have the boundaries and autonomy I need to be the best mom I can be. [/quote]

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