Reply to How do you deal with someone who complains all the time?

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[quote=Anonymous]Often people just want to know that they're being heard.  So try some reflecting back in a way that explicitly identifies their feelings.

For example, try phrases like, "Hmm.  You sound disappointed."  or "Yeah, you sound frustrated" or "Wow.  You sound upset" may go a long way.  And you don't need to listen super closely.  Just enough to identify the feeling and mirror it back.  You can also get away with making it a "you" statement (observing their feelings), rather than endorsing it in a way that suggests you agree if you don't (for example, no need to offer fake sympathy by saying "That sounds awful" if you don't actually feel that way.  More authentic to say, "You sound really upset about that.")

Either way, I agree with the previous poster who said DO NOT try to problem solve or make suggestions to a chronic complainer.  They will likely just argue with you and point out all the reasons your suggestion is invalid.  I call it the, "Yeah, but" syndrome. As in "Yeah, but that won't work because of X".  It's immensely frustrating.

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