Reply to if you're a "no divorce expect with abuse / cheating" person

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Reply to "if you're a "no divorce expect with abuse / cheating" person - what would you do in this situation"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Therapy, therapy, therapy.  You need a marriage coach to teach you both (mainly him) about how to create an equal, respectful marriage/family.  He will never listen to just you, and resentment will build.  He needs an independent 3rd party to help set expectations and a fair division of labor.  Probably even sit down together and work on a fair chore chart.  Literally, write down the major family tasks and divide in a mutually fair way.
Plus HIRE AS MUCH HELP AS POSSIBLE.  I recommend a full-time nanny/house manager to keep up with daily house chores.  It may seem expensive but IT IS SO MUCH CHEAPER THAN DIVORCE![/quote]

We tried marriage counselling....he'd either react with anger to the smallest raising of an issue and leave the session or promise a change that would last exactly a week before he stopped (and to the pp - of course I don't expect someone to commit to something impossible to taking the kids to school on monday even when traveling - [b]it was take them one thing (literally anything school....sat swim lesson) when you're home.  he'd agree do it for a week, and then stay in bed the next week and snap at me when I tried to get him to follow through.[/b]  Marriage counselling resulted in either way outsized defensiveness and no change or false hope and no change.  I've finally accepted that he's not going to change despite what he says.  Whether incapable or unwilling.

we are both in individual therapy but he's not changing anytime soon[/quote]

Then your kid doesn’t go to swimming that day. “Daddy isn’t feeling well, so no swimming today.”[/quote]

Well they're 3 and 5yos so they still need taking care of so I just take them.  Its not like I can (reasonably) leave them with dad refusing to get out of bed. 
 That was an example of how I can't depend on him for any aspect of it and its 100% on me to be the dependable and present one.  It sounds like you'd land on "suck it up and stay together, the alternative is worse" - which is fine, I really am asking for opinions on it[/quote]

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