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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's not your place to lecture her, or somehow make her feel inferior in wisdom. But you can ask leading questions and voice your concerns in a very loving and respectful manner. This is what my older best friend does with me - she's a born diplomat.

For example, I would ask whether having a child in common will now mean that they will share childcare duties all together. And express relief that this might be so.

I entirely understand that they started out blending their family with a separation of parental duties in mind. They must have been afraid of dumping more childcare on one parent more than the other. Now things will have to change with a baby in common, and maybe that's exactly what they want, and it is their first deliberate stop towards sharing more responsibility.

So don't go in thinking their current plan is crappy, or that they don't know what they're getting into. Start a conversation from a place of respect.
[/quote]

NP. This is good advice but then PP, you are too kind when you say that this couple "started out blending their families with a separation of parental duties in mind" and that they had some worry about "dumping more childcare on one parent than on the other." That gives this couple huge, huge credit for thoughtfulness that they might not have at all. If they both think and speak in terms of "not my responsibility" like OP says -- that is not at all a variation on "We so caring for each other that we don't want to burden each other with child care" or whatever. It's pure "I want you, but don't really care for your kids in my life unless necessary." These are not people who should have yet another child. The woman in the couple had a baby just two years ago with someone else. I suspect they--maybe just she--are trying to cement the relationship by having a baby together to keep the guy around for good. Which is always a horrible idea.

To the OP, the top paragraph above is spot on. Don't state an opinion, ask her questions. "So if you're planning another baby, have you and Bob started looking after all the kids...?"

The crap about missing an event due to a serious live-in bf/gf simply acting as if your kid(s) don't exist to them -- that's BS, and frankly, will break them up eventually. I pity their existing kids, who are too young to see it now, but who eventually will figure out they're not liked by their parents' partners at all. [/quote]

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