Reply to getting 5 and 7 yo to listen without yelling

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Agree with checklists, alexa timers, and consequences. Or rewards if you prefer.

I have two kids with adhd and to this day (youngest is 9) have to physically walk them through getting ready. There is no way I could say "go get ready" and expect success. There is not even a way I could say "go pack your lunch and water bottle then put your shoes on" and expect it to happen. Instructions have to be singular and have to be within eyesight generally, so I can hand them their water bottles and say "fill these up now please" or hand them their shoes and tell them to put them on.

I just mention that because even if your kids are nuerotypical you could learn some strategies for how we deal with our kids who literally get distracted if they turn thier heads the wrong way. One thing at a time. Repeat it up to 3 times, calmly, with at least 30 seconds between prompts. Have a system for how to handle it if they dont respond.

I envy parents who have the ability to be hands off with their kids getting ready! Its not my reality.[/quote]

I would not be surprised if my oldest has ADHD.  We are currently waiting on a neuropsych eval and I do need to parent him that way.  He has no issues at all at school (if anything hyper focused on every single thing at school which i guess can be a symptom also) but seems to be in his own distracted world a lot at home....hard to tell if he doesn't care to listen or really can't.  Anyway,  even if he does have the Dx, I probably won't medicate at this point since he's not having problems at school so I need a parenting solution overal.  What is your system for how to handle it when they don't listen?[/quote]

The most helpful thing is to reframe what you are seeing. So instead of getting angry that he isnt listening, you realize his brain isnt capable of following that thread, and then you realize that yelling would never solve that, so youre less motivated to yell.

It doesn't make it any less frustrating but it does help you to be empathetic and to get curious about how to help them get past the issue.

Actual solutions that work for us are using a visual checklist. Keeping the routine exactly the same if possible, like dont tell them to get dressed first one day but eat breakfast first the next day. Give one instruction at a time and make sure it is clear, i.e., "take your dish to the sink", not "clean up". "Put your book inside your backpack" not "get your things ready". Im the poster above who said the object you are instructing about needs to be in eyesight. If I tell my child to put on his shoes, but his shoes are in the basement, he wont be successful getting there and remembering what he was supposed to do and actually doing it. So I set him up for success but first saying "i think your shoes are in the basement, please go look". Then 5 minutes later Ill walk downstairs and see him doing something else and say "there are your shoes, put them on". Praise when he gets it right the first time "awesome job listening, thank you for finding your shoes" instead of "why didnt you put your shoes on you never do anything right now we're late!"

Leave lots of space and time. Dont expect them to rush just because you want or need them to. When i tell my kids to hurry they slow down, i swear. I have also learned unfortunately I have to be present. I cant sit down and start checking my email, I have to stay engaged with them the whole process.

Its exhausting, but its far better than standing at the door yelling every day. [/quote]

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