Reply to What’s your stance on friend’s parents funerals?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Always go to the funeral. It’s a rule my parents told me and that I try to follow. [/quote]

What is the justification for this "rule"?
[/quote]

Pretty sure pp meant it as a personal “rule”, like if you’re on the fence about going, make the effort and go.  I follow that rule too.  In op’s case, I think it’s just too far to make sense, but I’ve driven up to NY from here in DC for funerals before and think that’s a reasonable distance to travel.  [/quote]

I read "Always go to the funeral" as "always go to the funeral". Always [i]make an effort[/i] is something else, of course.

Personally, I don't expect anything. I hold funerals to offer opportunity for closure, unless the deceased has specified otherwise. I don't expect anyone to attend. I don't get to dictate how people grieve.  [/quote]

My grandparents always said you show up for 'a hatch, a match and a dispatch' haha. I also try to always go however I think this situation is exactly on the line. It depends on the friend/situation. I recently went far out of my way to attend a friend's parents funeral, but the friend in question is not married and doesn't have a large support network and while it was an expense/difficulty to attend it was not a $1000 flight and hotel. More like a multi hour drive/couple nights in a hotel situation. I had a friend who lost a parent last year who is similarly close but was farther away and that friend had a much more robust support network around her and that one I did not go to. You have to look at your own needs/life as well when making these decisions.[/quote]

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