Reply to If you chose to stay after infidelity, what did the next few months look like?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "If you chose to stay after infidelity, what did the next few months look like?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m two months out and have chosen to stay and work things out. He is in therapy and putting in the effort. I was initially devastated, but have made peace. I suppose I’m someone who believes this isn’t the worst thing that a marriage could suffer, but at the same time, I wonder if I’m in denial. (My therapist doesn’t think so, she thinks I’m just open minded.)

I had to make peace with it and while I wouldn’t say I have swept it under the rug, it’s not something I can pain shop and remind myself about daily. I chose to stay, I chose to work on trusting again, and he’s willingly doing his part.

So what now? It feels like this strange purgatory. What does moving on look like? When does your “new normal” actually become normal?[/quote]

Two months seems really early, for me it was like I would reconcile one aspect of the betrayal then another would occur to me, each one of these revelations would bring out every combination of negative emotion which also felt like purgatory.
I’d have a great day, then three miserable ones in a row, but it never felt like moving forward or moving into dissolving my marriage I was just kind of stuck.
I am surprised and happy for you that you were able to process this and have it not be a very big deal, maybe there wasn’t a lot of lying involved, that seems to be the thing that most of us in this situation have the biggest problem with, it’s not the act itself It’s the cover-up and lies that hurt us the most. [/quote] It wasn't the crime itself that brought Nixon down during Watergate. It was the coverup.[/quote]
OP here. The cover up (the lying and deception) is the thing I’m having the harder time with. I know it’s really early, but I sort of have the mentality that my worrying won’t change what he chooses to do, the only thing I have control over is my reaction if it happens again. [/quote]

That’s a healthy way to look at it and the way I did and do. The thing I wrestle with is it’s like, OK you’ve dumped this pile of crap in my lap and now it’s up to me to see if I can live with it.  The betrayal also causes me to do a fair amount of inventory, I look at my spouse differently and often think about what it is they really add to my life.

I don’t need their money, I can’t really trust them, they are capable of treating me horribly, do I really like them as a person and if we just met would I continue to want to hang out with them? It’s pretty much a long string of no answers to all of those but occasionally there are bright spots and they mess everything up.  it’s been much longer for me and I don’t get the physical betrayal responses anymore but they are just under the surface.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics