Reply to Romance Vs Ribbing

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ribbing has to include loads of self deprecation, otherwise it is just meanness disguised as "jokes".

I watch my DH's family treat each other like this.  Guess what?  My MIL has alienated herself from almost every single extended family member.  She doesn't know where the line of "oh haha this is a quirk we can joke about" becomes "wow I'm just an a-hole ragging on every tiny little thing about you".  She also has ZERO self-awareness and ability to laugh at herself.  If anyone says an even slightly pointed comment at her, she loses her mind and cries.

Thankfully my DH learned some social skills other places.  But yes, we had many discussions about how kids don't always want to be "teased" and how I don't either.  An occasion joke fine.  But you have to also make fun of yourself.  We also spent a lot of time talking about how you actually communicate needs and how passive aggressive comments don't get the job done.  Say what you mean sometimes.

The idea that "this is the only way I can communicate" is nonsense.  He can learn new ways.  If he WANTS to.  Only he can decide if it's worth it.

Start the conversations now, before kids.[/quote]

Good points! I'd also say it has to go both ways. If it's one person always doing the ribbing and someone else is the target, it's just mean.[/quote]

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