Reply to ASD and responsibility-taking for wrongs

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you model taking responsibility? Do you overreact to small issues? My DS with ASD is a big apologizer but that’s probably because I always apologize when I’m wrong. No person (kid, adult, NT or ND) is going to react well to being forced to apologize or to take the blame for mistakes that is out of proportion to what actually happened.  And sometimes people are harder on kids on the spectrum because they put them more under the microscope. [/quote]

Not responding to a “small issue” escalates it. Deal with and take responsibility, large or small.

Too often the small issue is lied about, then happens again, is lied about, an argument ensures; the lying and omitting get double downed on, and now it’s a two issues. [/quote]

If you bring down the hammer disproportionately then the kid will learn to avoid admitting they are wrong. True for NT and ND kids. [/quote]

You already said that.

Why don’t you give some examples of what to do and say in the moment.

Because if you ignore everything going on at the habits and manners level, you will raise a monster. [/quote]

if you pounce and shame the child based on not performing apologies correctly, that is actually a recipe for creating a monster. my strong suspicion is that you are not modeling appropriate apologies and have excessive expectations for what an apology or taking responsibility should look like.

anyway, what it looks like is that if I knock over my kid’s toy I say “sorry, let me pick that up for you.” If he spills his milk, I say “Let’s clean that up” and help him do it. if I lose my temper I sincerely apologize when I calm down. if he does, he does the same. this latter I sincerely believe he does because he sees me do it and mean it. I don’t demand an apology from him.

if he’s just saying things like “mom, it wasn’t my fault I broke that - it was cheap” I just ingnore it and ask him to pick up the pieces. I don’t demand he verbalize something. [/quote]

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