Reply to Kids spaced 4-4.5 years apart

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My brother and I are this spacing and my kids are closer (2.5 years). I think 90 percent of how well it works is based on the personality of the kids. But I think there’s always going to be a limit on how close the kids will be (as kids) when they’re 4.5 years apart, because you’re always at different stages and different schools. My brother was in middle school when I left for college. My brother and I got along well as kids and before my kids, I would have said we grew up really close. But now seeing what that looks like with a 2.5 year age gap, I see how much closer we would’ve likely been had we been more similar ages.

I will also say my parents would tell you the age gap was great and it was wonderful having a more self sufficient kid while the second was a baby. But as the older kid, it led to a lot of initial resentment because the expectation was set really high for me to be self sufficient at 4 or 5. I’ve seen friends handle this age gap much better as parents, because they recognize that a 4/5 year old is still really young and needs attention. [/quote]

Well it's better than expecting to "be more independent" at age 2 or 3.  Which is what happens when a new sibling comes home, no matter what the age.  Difference is, a 4/5 yo is definately much more ready to be a bit more independent and helpful in fun ways.  Obviously they still need attention.  But they are happy to be at preschool several days per week and can entertain themselves for more than 5 mins when you need to attend to the baby.  
we found our older was happy to be the "big kid" and independent.  Of course, we were not Ignoring them---they still got tons of attention as appropriate, but they understood that the baby sometimes has needs that need to be met now, and a big boy/big girl can wait 5 mins for mom/dad to attend to them.  If you present it right, they are so thrilled to be helping and be the Big Boy/Big Girl, they hardly notice.  Because developmentally they are ready for it (much more than a 2 yo who is still a baby themselves IMO.
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