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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I explained that Mom could likely afford all this herself. 
I explained that we should look for a place a little cheaper than where sister lives. 
I said I'd visit as much as I can to help out. [/quote]

Well, it sounds like that's maybe a short term plan but is it really a long term plan to have her living far from both daughters? Do you truly understand how hard it is for an older person to move, and how hard this could make things in a crisis? I think your sister has her eye on the long term and you're thinking short and medium term. And remember, moving is expensive. And a giant hassle for the adult children. Stop thinking so much about money, think about time and hassle.

"As much as I can" is squishy and unlikely to satisfy her. Can you commit to monthly?[/quote]

My husband and I (and our kids) can commit to helping her move. 
I can commit to visiting her twice yearly in her remote area (she only lives there 5 months a year)
And I can go monthly to Arizona. [/quote]

And what can you do when monthly isn't enough? Because that's what happens--best case scenario. They get old![/quote]

I don't know. That's why sister wants her to move near her. [/quote]

Well, that makes a lot of sense. I'm very sorry about your cancer and life expectancy. It sounds like your sister is preparing for the possibility that she's ultimately the sole caregiver for your mom and your mom is older and needs a lot of care. And that's probably stressing her out. If you aren't willing to discuss the long term, tell your sister that you're not willing. But she's not wrong to bring it up.

Does your mom have enough assets to buy into a care facility?  And also, she will need to offload all but one residential property to become eligible for Medicaid so maybe she should get out of that condo ownership thing now if she isn't using it.[/quote]

I'm willing to discuss long term. That's why I'm calling her today to ask if she has long term care insurance.
[/quote]

So your ideal plan is... Mom stays where she is, then when she's not able to manage that she moves to a cheaper area than where your sister lives, so she is not near either daughter? But how does she manage things in the new location?

You say you can visit *maybe* monthly. But that doesn't seem like enough, if the reason for her moving is that she couldn't manage in her current home. Do you plan to move her into a facility and she gets two daughter visits a month?  And then maybe has to move again to be near your sister when she's really old? I dunno, that seems like a bad deal-- the cost and hassle of moving is going to eat up any cost of living savings.

I think you need to read up on how assisted living places do their admissions and are financed. [/quote]

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