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[quote=Anonymous]OP, there recently was a post on this forum from a woman whose husband always threatened divorce, repeatedly, every time they disagreed. Maybe look that post up here. Repeated threats of divorce are actually considered an abusive tactic, according to mental health and domestic abuse experts. ONE instance of bringing up divorce isn't necessarily a controlling/abusive act, but repeated threats to divorce definitley are controlling (he knows it instills fear in you, and you don't want to divorce, so he'll get his way = controlling you).

I'd absolutely start (1) Putting away money he cannot access and doesn't know about (do not use any bank he also uses, or which you use jointly). You need money he cannot clear out suddenly if he decides to exit. Yes, it can and does happen. (2) Gathering financial and legal documents so you have records of his income, your family finances, etc. You may need them later. (3) Looking into how you can earn, find or otherwise access money he can't touch. (4) Talking to your own therapist. Solo therapy, not couples therapy. If you feel you need to hide it from him, find a way to hide it. I suspect he would be horrible to you if he knows you're talking to an "outsider" about him. (5) Talking to lawyers to see whether it's advisable to divorce sooner, later, financially, etc. That is not the same as me saying "Divorce!" but you need to know if it's doable.

Do not fall for posts here blithely saying he probably won't want any custody, or much, if you divorce. He might decide he does want it, and you have to weigh that. I hate when people on DCUM claim "Oh, he won't want custody, kids are too much work" to posts like yours. One never knows what a spouse might do. [/quote]

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