Reply to Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

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Reply to "Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?"

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[quote=Anonymous]They are talking about their own feelings. Unless it is said in some kind of judgment of you (like in response to you saying you work, they say "oh well I didn't want someone else to raise my kids") - that's rude.

But if they are talking about their own choice then it's just how they felt. They are being tone deaf in not thinking about how it will sound to you as a working mom but it's not an attack.

I wound up quiting my job after my DD was born because I did not like the idea of working at a job I didn't like that much, with colleagues I didn't like that well and who didn't feel important to me personally, and then paying someone else to be with my DD. I would not phrase this as someone else "raising my kid" but hearing that phrase I relate to it. I didn't want someone getting to be the primary caregiver to my child while I went and did something I considered less important to me, and I really hated the idea of literally paying someone to be with my baby. I couldn't make it make sense. I knew people would judge me (and they did) but it's just something I had to do.

I later did go back to work but I wouldn't say I did it so I could "use my brain." I used my brain a lot as a SAHM and enjoyed learning about child development and implementing what I learned and also having time to read a lot and pursue artistic hobbies. I was not under stimulated. But I did feel cut off from the world of adults and I hated having no income of my own. I realized a lot of my self worth is tied up in paid work, for better or worse.

But I don't judge any other mom fir making different choices. I don't think you should view the way someone describes their own feelings and though process as a judgment on you. It has nothing to do with you.[/quote]

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