Reply to Spin off: Young Marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I used to feel like you, when the marriage was going well.

15 years into our relationship my DH had a mental breakdown and became very volatile, angry, and abusive. Tried a bunch of therapy and it didn’t work. Divorce. Due to having built my career beforehand, I was able to buy him out of the house and I know who I am without the relationship because we married when I was 30 and not 20.

I am glad I spent that time in investing in myself. My education gave me a career and the means to make a home independently of my marriage. My travel and time with friends let me build up a network that has been rock solid and there for me through this whole ordeal. And I know I was fine and happy before this and will be fine and happy now. If I had done the traditional route I would’ve been screwed.[/quote]

I met my husband at 21. Failing to understand [b]why you think that precludes a woman from an education, career, travel or building up friend networks[/b], all of which I have. It’s this mentality that a partnership prevents these dimensions of life that is holding young women back.[/quote]

Because you’re less mobile when you’re married since you can’t live in two different place and often, one spouse’s job takes precedent. Similar story with social life.  You have to sacrifice where you travel to since now you have to compromise with a spouse. You often end up purchasing real estate, which may be a good thing financially, but it takes priority over travel and a social life.

Women provide a lot of unpaid labor for men and when you get married most women take on more unpaid labor. As a result there is less time for travel, education, socializing etc.

Anecdotally, life changed for my friends who married young. They are relatively educated but once they got married everything seemed to change and it became about playing house. [/quote]

Life has trade offs.  How is this news?  But just like there is a cost to getting married young, there is a very real benefit to marrying a good person and having children younger.

I married at 23 and got my JD while married.  DH is the one who made sacrifices for my career including putting me through law school.  I am very introverted and my spouse has been the one who initiates travel and socializing.  We make each other’s lives richer which I guess you consider “playing house.”  I’ll take it and not begrudge other women their choices.  Getting married to a decent person at ANY age is not a sure thing.[/quote]

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