Reply to Dealing with pushy/high-conflict parents going behind your back to spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I recommend that you read this book: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents [url]https://bookshop.org/p/books/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents-lib-e-how-to-heal-from-distant-rejecting-or-self-involved-parents-lindsay-c-gibson/16712089?ean=9781626251700[/url]. I got it from the library, insisted my DH read it, and then he insisted that we buy it because he liked it so much. It applied to both of our parents (in different ways). It really helps you see things from an outsider's perspective, and hopefully it will help you understand how to deal with your parents.

You're not in the wrong; they are being too demanding and pushy. My mother also used to tell me that I was a bad mother, but it wasn't true, and it's not true that you're a bad dad, either. You're doing your best for your family, which doesn't necessarily include what is best for your parents. That's fine; your DW and DC come first. [/quote]

I second that recommendation.That book is pure gold. It helped me let go on "my healing fantasy" with mom and just accept her as entitled and dramatic with some abusive tendencies. I focused on managing things and being relational, but could finally give up the dream of having a real relationship with love and trust. I am better able to step back and observe her like I am Jane Goodall watching a female ape desperate to be the alpha who intimidates all the other apes into submission. It drives her insane I don't react and calmly respond to her dramatics.[/quote]

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