Reply to Dealing with pushy/high-conflict parents going behind your back to spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I've got a feeling OP will continue to whine on DCUM for years and never cut off his parents as he should. It's going to be another one of these exhausting "I can't learn my lesson" posters.

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To be fair, it’s a big lesson to learn when this is how things have been in his family for his whole life.  Extracting yourself from what feels normal to you, even when that normal is painful, is a really big deal and takes a lot of emotional work.  [/quote]

PP you replied to. I've lived it. I had a terrible mother and escaped at 22 to go to grad school a continent away, where I got married and had kids. I still came back to visit occasionally, and it's only when she started on my kids that I cut her off. But the relationship had been at arms length before that. Years later, she's old and frail and has toned down the rhetoric significantly, because she realizes I'm her only kid and who is going to help her? So I talk to her, help her out with medical stuff, out of basic human decency. I do not get entangled emotionally. That's all over and done with.

It's amazing how some adults can be unpleasant all their lives, and only become friendly when they realize they've pushed everyone away and need to rope someone back in to help them.
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Why is that amazing?  It's self-preservation.  [/quote]

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