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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm kinda torn about this. I want to be the sort of person who says "believe the victim" and would shun an abuser.

But [b]my abuser goes around telling everyone I was the abuser.[/b] For all the PPs who said they'd know, they can spot even covert abuse, etc., my experience has not held that up at all.

I would continue to support whoever you were closer to. If that's the person alleging abuse, that makes it an easier decision. If I heard my "friend" was an abuser, I'd confront them. My real friends confronted me when they heard my ex's allegations, only to hear a completely different story, with receipts, about how the inverse was far more accurate.

It's a messy situation all around, and I completely understand the PP who was like "just get new friends". Breakups are tough on friend circles. Toxic/abusive relationship blowups are even harder.

Good luck, OP.[/quote]

What does this mean? 
There is a difference between words that hurt, and abuse. 
Sometimes, when they are criticized, instead of introspection some people lash out physically or escalate hurtful words into insults and emotional abuse. The criticism can seem like they are being assaulted and become defensive. The difference is what they do with that feeling.

My partner has in the past and out of carelessness said and done things that were deeply hurtful to me. But I have never, and could not imagine ever physically harming them, or threatening them or trying to bring them down. I do not think there is an excuse for that.[/quote]

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